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Attachment: The cradle of love?
Some researchers have proposed that the ways in which adults
form intimate relationships may be forged in the first few years
of life. Developmental psychologists such as John Bowlby and Mary
Ainsworth have suggested that our earliest experiences with our
parents and caregivers set the stage for our later adult relationships.
The "attachment" between child and parent is our first
important emotional relationship, and is thought to influence
all other intimate relationships "from the cradle to the
grave" <REF>(Bowlby, 1979).
Ainsworth <REF>(1979; 1989) described three distinct attachment
styles <glossary word> that can emerge in childhood. The
majority (about 60%) of children are securely attached to their
parents. The parents of "secure" children are generally
sensitive to their emotional states and  responsive
to their needs, and so the children are less anxious about the
relationship. They tend to be more comfortable in new situations
and are less anxious when confronted by strangers. When parents
are aloof or uncaring, some children (about 15%) respond with
an avoidant attachment style and become emotionally detached and
indifferent themselves. Roughly 25% of children appear to develop
an anxious-ambivalent attachment style, in which they appear
to be confused about how they feel toward their parents. The children's
caregivers treat them inconsistently, sometimes showering them
with attention and affection while at other times ignoring them
completely. These children come to crave attention from their
parents, and yet they are often resentful of them as well.
Social psychologists Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver <REF>(1987;
1994) have argued that the development of love between adults
can also be viewed as a kind of attachment, and that our adult
attachment patterns derive from those created in infancy. They
found that as adults we exhibit three distinct attachment styles
in our romantic relationships, similar to those observed between
children and parents:
— Secure attachment: These individuals find it
relatively easy to get intimate with or close to other people,
and are able to trust them. They expect relationships to last,
and in fact tend to have relationships of longer duration. Individuals
capable of secure attachments to others are not as fearful of
depending on others or of being abandoned by them.
— Avoidant attachment: Avoidant adults are uncomfortable
being intimate with others; they find it difficult to truly
trust other people completely. They are pessimistic about their
relationships, finding it difficult to believe that they will
ever find "true love." They are less likely to form
long-term, stable relationships. Avoidant individuals are often
nervous and resistant when their partners demand greater closeness
or intimacy.
— Anxious/ambivalent attachment: Adults with this
attachment style tend to be obsessed or preoccupied with their
romantic partners. They demand a great deal of attention and
affection from their partners, and often want the relationship
to progress more quickly than the other person does. At the
same time, they are usually fearful that the other person will
leave them, and frequently express anger and jealousy. As a
consequence, they may have difficulty maintaining a successful
romantic relationship.
Most research finds that adult attachment styles are fairly consistent
over the course of the person's life [(Keelan and others,
1994; Scharfe & Bartholomew, 1994), but there is the possibility
of change. In one study, researchers assessed attachment styles
of participants with a questionnaire and then returned four years
later to see if there had been any changes over time. Seventy
percent of the participants had the same attachment style four
years later, but 30% had experienced a significant revision in
the way that they described their romantic relationships ][(Kirkpatrick
& Hazan, 1994). In some cases, positive experiences with a successful
relationship had made the individuals feel more secure; in other
cases, romantic failures had rendered them more insecure.
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